Done Been There, Done Seen That

It boggles my mind that, in a professional setting, you will encounter people whose grammar makes them sound like they just jumped off the manure truck this morning. I don't know about anyone else, but I cannot get past poor grammar (both written and verbal). Therefore, I have compiled the following list of my "Top 10" written and verbal grammatical errors…and how to correct them.

1. INCORRECT: They come over last night, and we went frog-giggin',

CORRECT: They came over last night, and we gigged some frogs.

2. INCORRECT: I seen that Billy Bob with Bubba's wife.

CORRECT: I saw Billy Bob with Bubba's wife –or— I have seen Billy Bob with Bubba's wife.

3. INCORRECT: I done been to Junior's Bait Shack.

CORRECT: I have been to Junior's Bait Shack –or— I was at Junior's Bait Shack yesterday.

4. INCORRECT: I like them shoes…did you get 'em at the Wal-Marts?

CORRECT: I like those shoes…did you buy them at Wal-Mart –or—I like your shoes…did you buy them at Wal-Mart?

5. INCORRECT WORDS: Flustrated, irregardless, brung, supposably.

CORRECT WORDS: Frustrated (or flustered), regardless, brought, supposedly.

6. INCORRECT: He don't care about me no more.

CORRECT: He doesn't care about me any more.

7. INCORRECT: I think I'm in love with you, and I want to take you on a special, romantic date.

CORRECT: You're hot, and I think we should have sex as soon as possible.

8. INCORRECT: How atypical. Wanda Sue looks like one of them prostitutes.

CORRECT: How typical. Wanda Sue has on a trashy outfit.

9. INCORRECT: I am trying to loose some weight.

CORRECT: I am trying to lose weight.

10. INCORRECT: Where the party at?

CORRECT: Where will we be partying? –or— Where will the party be held?

I know that I have heard and seen many more examples of poor grammar and spelling. Feel free to e-mail submissions for a future list. I'm sure this problem will not be disappearing in the near future. Folks, learn about "grammar check." Even though it's not perfect, it's better than sounding like a complete idiot. Further, if you are going to use big words, please be sure you know both the definition and their proper context. Big words used improperly make you look even more stupid.

Some of my "creative" type friends have informed me that writing is not a spelling and grammar contest. No, but if you are trying to (a) convince someone to give you a job, (b) convince someone to publish whatever it is, or (c) resolve any sort of complaint, it would likely be helpful if you did not come across as a special-ed third-grader.

"Them" is just my suggestions.