1. String cheese wrappers. Specifically, EXTRALONG string cheese wrappers. The fucking things will not come off, no matter how hard you try. It's funny...it has some stupid little warning about not using your teeth to open it. Personally, I'm not sure if you could open it with a chainsaw, a blowtorch, and a team of oxen.
2. People eating food items out of the work freezer which do not belong to them. This happened to me today. I decided to TRY eating a weight-control snacky protein bar of some sort for lunch. At 2:30, it wore off. I decided I needed my Lean Cuisine lasagna out of the freezer. Somebody ate it. So then my completely broke ass had to go purchase alternate sustenance. Of course, I had to send an e-mail to our floor bitching about said snarfing of my food item. As it turns out, my former office mate was the culprit...she thought it was hers. So she is buying me lunch tomorrow. Because she is actually a cool person.
3. People who cannot read and/or listen to simple declarative sentences and follow instructions.
4. Little assholes in Ford Festivas who try to tailgate me. I say "try," because when the slow-ass motherfucker in front of me moves and I kick up the gas, this little go-kart masquerading as a street-legal automobile is left in my dust.
5. Sexual-equipment-impaired assholes in big trucks who tailgate me....and then, when you get out of their way, they drive right in your blind spot for the next five miles.
6. Not being able to find things I know were there a month ago. In this case, the missing object was a book I promised someone I had in my possession. However, when I was digging under my bed as part of my fruitless search, I found the brown sandals which have been missing for three months, which were way too expensive, and which I now cannot wear unless I wish to court frostbite. (Okay, maybe that's a little teensy bit of an exaggeration. Perhaps I should say, risk pneumonia.)
7. Insomnia.
8. Midnight munchies when I haven't even smoked anything to make them happen.
9. Being incredi-poor. It's not a matter of IF something is going to bounce...it's a matter of WHEN. Will it be the phone bill or the student loan payment...or all the other random $5 checks and/or debit card purchases I've made in the last four or five days? Knowing my luck, that's exactly what will happen, and I will be charged another $200 that I don't have in overdraft fees. I really have this secret hope that our firm's bank will make a mistake and deposit our paychecks early. Like tonight would be great.
10. Going to Barnes & Noble in said poverty-stricken state and NOT BEING ABLE TO BUY ANYTHING. That's like taking a starving child to Golden Corral and telling them all they can have is a glass of water. So close, and yet so far away....
11. My cat (Maggie) always has to be in my face or my lap or just whiny when I'm trying to talk on the phone or type anything beyond a website address on the computer.
That's all I have to say. I'm tired, and I'm hungry, and sooner or later, one of them will win. And in the meantime, I think I need to play some stupid mindless computer games.
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